If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
a search helicopter?!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Randomize
