i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
