upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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