i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
