Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
