One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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