I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
