How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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