Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
