Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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