I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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