he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
