My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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