Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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