Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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