I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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