I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
