the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
