I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
