LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
