farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
