i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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