But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
