you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
