im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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