He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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