I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
