I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize