Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize