I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
