You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
