ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
