Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
