haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
