Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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