I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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