I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
