Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
