If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
All the doctor said was why
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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