You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
