I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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