So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize