Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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