things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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