my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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