You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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