my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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