i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
