I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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