we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
be right there i have to get my cape
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
All the doctor said was why
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize