Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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