The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
