And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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