i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize
