We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
