What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My feet surprised me
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