I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
