garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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