so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
