Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
