Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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