They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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