That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
