You work out of a Hotel?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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