I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
