I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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